I havent seen him for close to 1 month. He is always so busy with his school work. The quality of time spent together has lessen over th years. Honeymoon period is over. We quarrel more often. Things are no longer what they were used to be. He say that he hasn't change and he feels that everything is still almost the same. But for me, I can't agree with that. The pasture is no longer as green. The flowers still blossom, but they seem to lost their first sight sparkles. And I really don't know why.

Sometimes I wonder, is relationship also like a product life cycle. It has to go through the stages of growth, stability, decline and death? Of course there are everlasting products, but they need to constantly undergo new marketing strategies and market re-positioning to affirm their value to the consumers. Is relationship similiar to that? I look at people around me. I have friends who break up after like 6 years of relationship; I look at my parents, their marriage prove to be failure after 24 years; I look at my aunties and unlces, most of them have lost the lovely touch. What are important to them now is food and money. It is hard for me to believe in real and true love after everyone around me seem to be in the decline stage of their relationship. Then if everyone knows that there isnt true love, then why bother to enter into a marriage? Isn;t that a waste of time and energy. I really don't know. I fear relationship, I fear marriage. Despite the fact I want to have a family of my own. To have a place I can call home. To have a soul mate. But sometimes, fact scares me. Of course there will always be those beautiful exception cases, where couples lived to an old age but their love is still strong, even till the day they die. But what are the probability? They are like the classical example of everlasting products in market. Once, Rotiboy was up and raising, like hot pan cakes, but now, business has folded. But organisation like NTUC, is still alive and kicking and growing strong.

I fear the unknown. But what's the use of fearing. When we were bornt, we knew that we all have to die someday. Though we don't know when that day is gona be, but that doesn't stop anyone from living their everyday and doing what they want. Instead, since life is so valuable, we should live it to the fullest, do what we really want. But is that always a reality, or are they just dreams for some of us...

I am scare...