Wednesday, December 21, 2005
1:54 PM
She says...
Went out for a gathering last nite with a few of my secondary mates...
Not all turned up...
Including me only 4...
But it was still enjoyable...
Sang KTV...
Though no one was really in form...
Off key, outa tune...
It doesnt really matter...
It is the time we spent together that counts...
Life moves on for everyone I guess...
Meets up are getting lesser...
And even in smaller group...
Some how those days when we all get together seems to be in the past...
But the joy is still there...
But somehow it does seems that it lack something...
Something I cant pin point wat is it...
We have moved on...
Some are working in fields that never crossed their minds...
Others are getting married to settle down and entering another phrase of life...
While the rest are going overseas for their degree...
We all parted like the tree branchs...
Hopfully we are still held together with wat we had started in the beinging...
But yes...
Some branches fell off as the tree grew bigger...
Those branches started their own life...
Broken away from the rest...
Juz read one of my friend's blog...
Another Uni friend is leaving us...
Pulling out from sch...
To further her studies in Japan...
Another friend is leaving...
I am not sad...
Juz a feeling inside that I cant find the rite word to describe...
The feeling that everyone has to move on...
Everyone has their own calling...
Made me wonder...
Wats the calling in my life...
Have I actualli answered it...?
I stop to reflect on my life...
In this mist of working in the office...
"Is this the life I longed to have?"Where were the dreams I had as a child...
Or rather...
Wat was my childhood ambition...
Suddenly...
All that I am doing right now dun make any sense...
When did I changed....
Wat happened to me...
Wat do I really want...
Right at this point...
I feel like running away from my current job...
Run away in search of wat I realli want in life...
Start drawing, take up photography...
Swim, dive, run and cycle...
Dance my life away...
Or even join singapore idol...
But then...
I realised that I am tied down...
Unable to do that right now...
Tied down by this thing call 'reality'...
Bolted down the question of money...
Many would say that money don't mean everything...
Yes I agree and disagree...
Money cant buy happiness, it cant buy everything in life...
But then...
Without money...
It doesnt mean happiness...
Do you feel happi when its xmas when you can get anything nice for your love ones...
One may say that is shallow...
But then again...
Wat if one day...
Your love one is sick...
But you have no money...
No money to even bring them to see the doctor...
To give them the treatment they deserve...
No money to give your kids the education they nid...
The better food they nid to grow and stay healthy...
In such...
Without money but living juz on plain love...
Would anyone be happyand be contented...
Money....
Somehow it found a way into my life....
It has somehow grow itself in my mind...
Everything I do...
Do I have euff...
Money...
I feel like a salve to it...
I want to break free one day...
For now...
I juz have to handle reality...
I got to be strong now
Friday, December 16, 2005
9:19 AM
She says...
Been working for one month…
And the thing I miss the most….
Is my mum’s cooking…
Eating out for every meal isn’t nice at all…
Miss all the cooking my mum made….
From plain white rice to pan fried noodles….
She cooked fried noodles for breakfast this morning before she leave the hse for work…
She woke up at 6am…
To wash and have everything done up nicely before leaving the hse…
Juz the look of the food makes me so happy this morning…
But I had to skip breakfast due to work…
The saddest part of cooking for loves ones….
Is when no one appreciates the effort put in…
I feel so depressed now…
Coz I miss my mum’s cooking…
I got to be strong now
Friday, December 09, 2005
12:06 PM
She says...
It is getting boring in the office….
Not that there is nthg for mw to do…
But the job scope that I dun like…
Calling up China…
And cooking up lies and stories….
In order to get the information needed juz not really my cup of tea….
Firstly…
I am not very comfortable talking to complete stranger…
Secondly…
Having to lie about things in order to obtain required information….
Thirdly….
Doing things that I am totally clueless…
Fourthly….
I dun really fancy toking to China ppl…
Sumtimes life is juz funi…
For me…
I always end up doing things that I dun like…
No matter how much I try to avoid them…
It seems like the more I avoid them…
The more they come closer to me…
I dun like business courses…
Refused to take up any business or mgmt course in poly…
The 3 months commerce stream in JI wasn’t to my liking…
Rather kill myself to step into another business pit hole…
But then…
I was quickly thrown into that pit hole after my poly completion…
Now in SIM taking business course….
I dun like where I am working now…
Due to it job nature…
Lying and making stories isn’t my cup of tea…
But being the salve of money right now…
I have to work my butt off at where I started 2 yrs ago…
Burning all my sch sem holiday here….
I want a life…
I want to love myself…
I want to do wat I love…
But can I….
I got to be strong now
Monday, December 05, 2005
12:48 PM
She says...
Long time since my last update….Have been busy all these while…
About a month ago…
Juz completed my exams…
Then rushed thru my final project…
After which….
Packed my bags and went to Genting for 4 days 3 nites…
Came back started looking for job…
1 week after search…
Landed back where I was 2 years ago….
So life goes on as usual…
Making fone calls and working on the laptop infront…
Ultra sian…
But the need of money left me wif no choice…
Working 7 days a week for last week…
Morning and evening shifts…
Real tiring…
But somehow this lifestyle habit has oso grown into me…
Sleeping at 11pm waking up 630am…
Sometimes I wonder wat will I be doing if I aren’t busy…
Most pro stonning at home…
Watching time go by without even moving out of my bed…
But my bed is something I truly miss the most…
Apart from those times I spent wif my mum, marc, oreo n dory…
Suddenly growing up isn’t any fun anymore…
The weight of responsibilities is weighing me down…
Everything I do I have to think its impact on other issues…
Sumtimes it gets really tiring…
Sumtimes I wish I dun think too much…
Juz do wat I wish and wat I like…
But that is not possible to act w/o consideration of love ones…
Year 2005 is almost over…
Barely a month left…
Time juz seems to fly so much faster than usual…
So many things that happened this year….
All those are soon to be in the year history…
As every second the time moves…
Every bit of it becomes the past…
Future…
Is juz a second away…
Past, present future…
Are separated by a thin time line…
