To me now, growing up doesnt seems to be of any fun...Or is it juz becoz of the current situation my family is facing??? I duno...But is is definately no fun at all...Sometimes I wish I could juz fly away...or more realistic...juz move out...But I cant...or rather...in a not so nice way...I dun haf financial support or income...Family no longer seems so loving...But more like...apart from the fact I still love my mum, bro n sis...I am staying in this hse is coz I have no where else to go...sad right...like playing some strategy game of life...I realli duno...Family...to me is very important in every aspect...it is on top of everything...even marcus knows that...to chose between family and him...I wld chosefamily...and he knows that...and i want me to make the same choice when it ever comes to a pt that he haf to chose one of the two...his family or me...to me...family is irre-placable...after poly...I went to take up a business course...for the sake of the family...I cut back my allowance...for the family sake...but...now...when my family is slowly falling apart...i kinda of lost my goal in life...like my center pillar of my life is gone...i know alot of ppl say..."live for urself"...but family was my motivation...but now...I duno....

I had a dream last nite...a dream...where in it...I know i was dreaming...and i keep forcing myself not to wake up...I dreamt with the setting of my old house...back in bukit batok...a small 4-room flat...but in the dream...I was veri happy...i was at this age...coming from home...walking pass my nighbours...peeping thru their windows n they waved to me...I knew it was a dream...I din wana wake up...kip telling myself...quickly...lets go home...i wana go home...went down the corridor...to the last corner unit...I took out my hse key and opened the door...everything was like they were...the furniture...the colour of the wall...everything was the way I remembered...I walked to the kitchen toilet...my mum was squatting there washing the clothes...those were the days when we had no washing machines n my mum had to wash with her hands...my mum asked me..."come back liao ah??? hows sch...theres food on the table...help me sms ur brother n ask where he is...n ur sister too..."...then I walked out...the kitchen floor tiles wee brown...like they were...I walked into the living room...everything was quiet...the sun was shinning in...brightening the room...with slight wind...then i walked into my room...funny...but it wasnt the room setting i remembered...it was the setting i haf now in my room...I put down my things n went back to the kitchen...then my mum suddenly said..."better quickly eat first before your dad come back..."...I looked at her...her eyes had tears...for that instant...I knew it was all a dream...a dream...that i dun wana wake up...a dream...that i wish it was true...i kip telling myself to dream soemthing...carry on dreaming...i dun wana wake up...but...i cant...in the end...i woke up...took a look at my clock...it was 1140am...

For that moment...I layed in bed...closed my eyes...hoping that then was a dream...but i know that I will never be able to go back...to the past...to my dream...