> All by myself..
♥ PROFILE

Y U A N
there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.

♥ DESIRES
I love doggies.
I love green.
I'm dizty and sunny
I party till dawn,
I shop till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm a girl.
And a beautiful one too.

♥ TAG


♥ Dar-link

Marc. Junwei. Vivian. Darren. JeN. EnEn. April. Jac. Jas. Cheryl. Samuel. Hui0. Raine. SummerTingz. Iceberg. AppleSweetGirl. Riko. Scottlyn.

ARCHIVES;

September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008

♥ CREDITS;

Design by:cssndr
Image upload:Imageshake
Photoshop

Tuesday, May 31, 2005
9:19 PM

I am realli scare...
Going for my dental check up tml...
In regards to my upper second last tooth...
Had a filling done 2 months back...
But till now still pain...
Dentist supect it might have a crack...
Went for a tooth x-ray on monday...
Then thru my layman view...
I think I saw a very huge crack near the root of the tooth...
In such way...
I must prepare for the worst...
Coz I dun think anything can save that tooth anymore...
Only have to pull out that tooth...
But I am so scare...
Coz it is gona be very pain...
Though they r gone give me pain killer...
But according to my young experience...
The feeling of the back tooth being pulled out is realli horrible and pain...
The sound of being pulled out is horrible...
I am scare...
Realli scare...

I got to be strong now

Sunday, May 29, 2005
11:32 PM

Juz one sentence...
I am jobless now...

I got to be strong now

Saturday, May 21, 2005
11:41 AM

I dun like my life now...
Not that I am not gratefull...
But the changes that had happened in the family...
My dad juz call over a friend with his wife...
Greeting them at the door....
He said my mom went marketing...
Clearly a lie...
When my mom is out working...
Guess he is ashame of that...
To him...
A married woman must stay home to cook...
And serve after him...
Why is he such a bastard...
And when all the while...
My mom fulfill his stupid idea of being a wife cum maid...
He is out there screwing other girl of his daughter age...
The house is a mess...
Coz now without my mom...
No one clean n wash his dishes and tidy the rooms...
Yet he seem so proud of his dirty hse...
Only home to me coz I have got none other to call so...
Even I have to work...
To lighten the family load...
When he sits at home...
Dreaming his own kindgom...
Chasing his own rainbow...
After setting up his own company...
All he did was to suffer more and more losses...
Making us save and wun even let my brother buy his laptop which is required by his poly...
Saying that times are hard....
So we children muz be sensible...
However...
He himself...
Give money to his honey girlfriend cum misstress cum almost the same aged as me back in china...
Total sum given is enough to buy my brother 3 laptop...
WTF...
In the end...
My mom...
Who hasnt worked for the last 20 years...
Had to fork out her own life saving and pay for my brother's laptop...
Remember the times when my mom cook curry for all of us...
My dad would complain...
Coz he is the only one who cant take spicy food....
Yet now...
All the instant noodles he buys for himself are of curry and pepper favour...
My mom guessed its coz his bloody china girlfriend love spicy food...
Orelse why he brough over packets of curry fish head on his last trip to china....
I hate my life now...
All coz of one man...
Not that I am not giving him credits for giving life to me and all the good old days we had back then...
But that is not good enough reason to screw other girls outside...
This is so sickening...
He made the whole family crample and my mom going nuts...
My mom feel so inferior of herself in terms of looks and all things...
I wana bring my family outta this shit...
Bring my mom to somewhere she has no worries...
Give and provide for her what she really deserve...
But ther are times when I feel tired...
And I wish I could just die...
But...
Death dun solve anything...
Onli make things worse...
Coz then my mom need to work even longer before my brother can provide for her...
I hate my life...
But I still have to go on...
For the reason that I still love my mom...

I got to be strong now

Tuesday, May 17, 2005
10:29 PM

My birthday is over...
Feel a bit sad...
Duno why i feel so happy abt my bday...
Had a wonderful day...
Except for the fact that i need to go back to sch...
Tml is the start of the busy days to come...
I hope i will survive...



The older I get...
The more responsibilities ther are...

I got to be strong now

Thursday, May 12, 2005
1:16 AM

Family...
Supposed to be the last people on Earth that would ever hurt you...
But I doubt so...
Maybe just for my case...
My dad....
Or is he still my dad...
Takes my mom for granted...
Slowing tearing the family up with his own hands...
Yet pointing fingers at others...
Saying we dun care about the family at all...
When the fact...
He is the one doing the major damages...
Yes...
We kids may not be sensible euff...
Maybe it is our fault for not growing up fast euff...
Old euff to understand the real world...
But that dun gif you the reason to fool ard outside...
Breaking our hearts...
Especially mom's...
And worst...
Keep pointing finger at others...
Still justifying that what you are going thru is for our future sake...
To me...
I used to take you seriously...
But now I think all those are just excueses...
I can no longer stand you taking me for granted...
Thinking that I am your daughter and would do anything for you...
You want me to help you in the company...
But you always pass me stuff like after 10pm...
And yet need it by tml...
It doesnt help when I also have another job outside...
Staying up late for you...
Waking up early to earn my own financial support...
It juz doesnt help...
And what happen to all my help...
You take the outcome and go fooling ard outside...
Why then do i need to help you...
To earn more so that you can go out and play...
Why should I help that slut...
Helping her to con you for more money...
Which you are so reluctant to give anything more to the family...
I hate my life now...
Since this sem...
I have not taken any break...
Stress and tired...
Thru before,during and after exams...
People having enjoyable break after all the hard work on exams...
But me...
Still working my butt off...
How I wish I am a rich ger...
With pently of money...
Dun haf to work...
Money to spend...
Time to enjoy...
Club and swing my life away...
Doing what I realli like...
Can you believe...
I havent bought ny new clothes for myself for a year...
I have to count my pennies before i spend on my meals...
Cant turn up for friends' outings...
Coz I dun haf euff to spend...
Even haircut I have to think twice..
Yet....
I am not saving much...
Coz all are juz enough to meet end needs...
I dun like my life now...
Though sometimes I comfort myself...
For the fact that there are people who are worse off than me...
For the fact that I have loving boyfriend,mom, sis, brother and friends...
But I am competitive...
Not that I am greedy..
But I think my family...
Especially my mom...
She deserve better...
She now suffer body pain from work...
And it just hurts me knowing...
But yet I cant ask her not to work...
I have anything to offer and provide for her...
To put bread and water on the table for her...
it just hurt me so much...
Mayb thats the reason why I am still striving...
Working...
Believing...
Coz I want to give her the best...

I got to be strong now

Wednesday, May 11, 2005
12:01 AM

Exams are over...
My last paper ended on monday....
And guess what...
Its my worst paper...
Totally blanked out for the 1st hour of the paper...
Juz writing something I dun even understand...
In the end...
I screwed up 1 qn....
Din even answered what was required...
Guess now I can only wait and pray...
Was planning to enjoy and relax myself till after my bday...
But then...
How to pass up a job offer...
With the fact I am so broke...
And my family needs to lighten its financial load...
So went for the project briefing today...
Starting work tomolo...
Haiz...
Guess thats life...
Endless stress...
At least applicable to city life...
Sumtimes I wish I could sit back and relax...
Go take a stroll in the country side...
Smell the sweet air...
Lay back and watch the clouds go by...
Enjoy the slow moving time...
Play with my Dory and Oreo...
Life should be like that...
But I cant choice at this point...
I can onli work hard for it...
For all my dreams and goal...

I got to be strong now

Thursday, May 05, 2005
2:38 AM

I shant be tpying...
But cant help myself...
Friday is my second last paper...
First two was ok...
Smooth I guess...
*Cross finger...
But the worse have yet to come...
Friday paper...
Not ready at all...
Read everything...
But nothing seems to remind in my brain...
I hate myself this sem...
Wasnt focus at all...
Veri much off track...
My worst sem so far...
Wats happening to me...
Mayb coz I lost my light in my life...
My family is crampling apart...
And theres nothing I can do...
But to complete my studies...
But staying focus is much difficult than I tot...
All these family issues...
Made me constantly question the subject of 'Life'...
A subject not examinated....
But tested daily...
Every minute...
Every second...
I wana stay focus...
I constantly remind myself that...
But the process is not improving...
All I wish now...
Is juz to clear my sem...
I want to complete my course...
And get out....
I wana pass...
But in life...
Sometimes...
U never get wat u want...
And myself is the one to blame for...

I got to be strong now