12 Days count down

Haiz...the number of days left is so little now..tot of it kills me...but lately a lot of things haf been happening all at one shot...mayb coz i m under stress n thinking way too much at times...things of the past...tagging on me...closely lately...i m fighting it...not letting myself think of it...burying myself in books...but sometimes...part of me...juz wun listen to the detail of the book i reading...at this rate...my car gona to crash...haiz...

yuan ah yuan...wat is past is past...dun nid to feel gulity any more...yes u haf hurt a lot of ppl in the past...including urself n others....specially ur 1st bf that u 'bumped' into weeks ago..then now wif the inccident of ur another ex reading ur OD...the ex u hate so much cos of the pain he caused.....n seeing guy on tv programe which look so much like ur ex...so wat...u haf let go so let it be...even if they come n look for u now or spy on ur diary...that is the most they can reach u...u haf move on wif ur life...think of the hellish time u haf been thru...u have already had ur retribution...u haf already paid ur debts...u haf paid up to the ppl u owe...u were partly the cause of ur own pain last time...n u haf paid up....u haf moved on now...evrything is fine now...wif marc n ur love ones...nthg gona get u...unless u want them to...no more gulit...retribution has written that off...u went thru depression...time when u tried to killed urself...put ur studies on the line n parents on the verge of losing hopes...why...why do u wana go back to wat u were...studies now is the top n most important thing in ur life..apart frm love ones of coz...think of the future...future of urself,family n marcus....do u wana gif that up too? no rite...? if u haf the strength and courage to pick urself up from the past...why let urself go down for no reason...ur ex is nt even looking u up...so wat if they read ur diary...nthg they can do...it is ur life...wat r u scare of...?be proud n let them read lah...let them know that u r stronger now...u haf move on w/o them...u haf a better life now...but oso be gracious...let them know that....it is becoz u got to know them that u picked up life lesson from each n everyone of them...yes,u hate some of them....for wat they done to u...but now u let go...then be gracious euff to say thank you for the lesson they given u...for these lesson didnt come easy n now u haf learnt to treasure life even more...be brave...admit ur fault of ur past...no point running...i know u haf always wana to avoid ur past...but like wat ppl say...past is past...always n always will be there wif u...coz that is wat make u now...all those tought times u haf been thru...hasnt it make u a stronger person now...n now...u haf to be even stronger...dun let ur mind make a fool out of u....u r in control...u can so it...jia you