> All by myself..

~~Saturday, October 30, 2004~~

11:23 PM

this whole week is totally screwed up...so screwed up that i realli dun feel like studying anymore...as in...i dun haf the 'worry' feeling anymore...juz haf the feeling that juz throw everything at me,now and i dun care wat...there's wat happened...

Monday 25 Oct 2004
Commercial Law paper.....the subject that i m most interested in this sem n one that i always dreamed of studying...law....and i m ok wif it...not that i m the best at it...but the one and onli that i m most comfortable in...but ya...still worried...scared i quote or find the case frm the book...then when i flipped the exam paper when it started...it came to me as quite an easy paper,except for one question that i wasnt sure...i was quite happy...all the question we did discuss in class before...but guess i was like too carried away writing my first question,i spent too much time on it and din haf much time left for the rest of the question....totaly of 4 question...3 question of 15 marks each and 7 questions of 5 marks eac...but i only managed to finish two 15 marks and two 5 marks question fully...then 4 questions in point form...and left out a total of 20 mark....WTF....%#$!!$#$#!$@
STUPID ME~~!!!!

Wednesday 27 Oct 2004
Management Accounting....another ok paper...but damn tricky...after the law paper...i was total de-moralized...din haf much self esteem...all the qn in acct are SO indirect....the question got so many other stupid factors to distract and twist the whole damn story...haiz...in the end...kena tricked...haiz...thk i did quite bad....

Friday 29 Oct 2204
Econ...the worst paper of them all...the format we were taught...DIN CAME OUT~~!!!! WTF .....All of us...tot is it essay qn...coz thats wat we r taught...and hw all the past years paper are essay...n we were told it is essay ...but came out...all open end questions....even though,i had to admit all the questions are veri basic n quite easy...but bcoz we overlook the easy parts n went straight for essay structure qn...i totally blank out whn i saw the non-essay format paper...i was going like,"err....din they forget to give us the writing pappers? Is this the rite paper...?Am i the onli one who din know it waant essay format?" I was totalli blanked out during the 15min reading time give...so blanked out that i juz run through the paper once, picked the qn i wana do...n sit there to wait for the time to start writing...then it is the onli paper i finished b4 time ended...then i sit there n flip through again n again...till i hope the invigilators would juz collect my damn paper...the onli paper that i cant be realli bothered abt the outcome n juz write watever that came into my mind....

Summary of the whole week...lousy week...which left me lost,confused n sick...i juz hate myself....one more paper to go on coming friday..n i hope i dun screw this one...

I got to be strong now

~~Wednesday, October 27, 2004~~

10:02 PM

everything sucks now for me...i feel so lousy...like a the worst loser on earth ever...loser in life...loser in everything...i suck.....

I got to be strong now

~~Saturday, October 23, 2004~~

9:16 AM

2 days count down

i dun even wana type out the cout down days left...but juz haf to face the fact...anyway...my dad gif me a buisness proposal to go Guan Zhou in China...Given it a hard tot...kinda of scary...coz i will b travelling alone there by plane to meet my dad in china...he will be there on the 1 nov...while i will b onli joining him on the 8 nov...then on the 13...i will b flying home alone too...scary...n to think that one of the exhibition day,i will be alone at the exhibition hall...while my dad in another hall which is like 1 hr car ride away...haiz...but i guess i shld go wif him...he like realli want me to go wif him...2 days after exams i will b flying...whoooo

I got to be strong now

~~Monday, October 18, 2004~~

6:56 PM

7 days count down

got this frm Vv....

My japanese name is 石井 Ishii (stone well) 千秋 Chiaki (very fine in autumn).

Generate your japanese name at http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/969/

I got to be strong now

~~Saturday, October 16, 2004~~

9:01 PM

Sick and Tired
by Anastacia

My Love is on the line, my love is on the line
My Love is on the line, my love is on the line
2x[Dil La Liya Be-parvah dey naal]
My Love is on the line, my love is on the line

A little late for all the things you didn't say
I'm not sad for you
But I'm sad for all the time I had to waste
'Cause I learned the truth
Your heart is in a place I no longer want to be
I knew there'd come a day I'd set you free 'cause
I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired

2x[Dil La Liya Be-parvah dey naal]

Your love is unfair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
And you didn't care
So I'm floating, I'm floating on air
4x[Dil La Liya Be-parvah dey naal]
(I am on air)

No warning of such a sad song
Of broken hearts
My dreams of fairy tales and fantasies
were torn apart ohhh
I lost my peace of mind somewhere along the way
I knew there'd come a time you'd hear me say
I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired

2x[Dil La Liya Be-parvah dey naal]

Your love is unfair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
And you didn't care
So I'm floating, I'm floating on air
My Love is on the line, my love is on the line
My Love is on the line, my love is on the line

2x[Dil La Liya Be-parvah dey naal]

My Love is on the line, my love...

Your love is unfair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
And you didn't care
So I'm floating, I'm floating on air

Your love isn't fair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
And you didn't care
So I'm floating, I'm floating on air

I got to be strong now

8:48 PM

9 days count down

dun tok to me...

I got to be strong now

5:13 PM

9 days count down

the count down left single digi one...scary...oso veri sian...got so much to study...the weather so warm...everyday juz see books n more books...ultra sian...n when u mix sian wif gan chong...i thk that equal to sleepy...hahahaha...at least that applies to me...wish i haf like 48 hrs a day...*in my dreams...

I got to be strong now

~~Friday, October 15, 2004~~

8:59 AM

10 days count down

sob sob sob....this stress is killing me...but had the best nite of the week last nite...slept frm 1am t0 8am...best...me now look like panda...later gona go back to study....

jia you jia you

I got to be strong now

~~Thursday, October 14, 2004~~

1:44 AM

11 days count down

headache...sleepy...stress...frustrated...but i cant rest...cant rest now..i cant gif up now...

ARRGGHHHHH~~~!!!!!

I got to be strong now

~~Wednesday, October 13, 2004~~

3:03 AM

12 Days count down

Haiz...the number of days left is so little now..tot of it kills me...but lately a lot of things haf been happening all at one shot...mayb coz i m under stress n thinking way too much at times...things of the past...tagging on me...closely lately...i m fighting it...not letting myself think of it...burying myself in books...but sometimes...part of me...juz wun listen to the detail of the book i reading...at this rate...my car gona to crash...haiz...

yuan ah yuan...wat is past is past...dun nid to feel gulity any more...yes u haf hurt a lot of ppl in the past...including urself n others....specially ur 1st bf that u 'bumped' into weeks ago..then now wif the inccident of ur another ex reading ur OD...the ex u hate so much cos of the pain he caused.....n seeing guy on tv programe which look so much like ur ex...so wat...u haf let go so let it be...even if they come n look for u now or spy on ur diary...that is the most they can reach u...u haf move on wif ur life...think of the hellish time u haf been thru...u have already had ur retribution...u haf already paid ur debts...u haf paid up to the ppl u owe...u were partly the cause of ur own pain last time...n u haf paid up....u haf moved on now...evrything is fine now...wif marc n ur love ones...nthg gona get u...unless u want them to...no more gulit...retribution has written that off...u went thru depression...time when u tried to killed urself...put ur studies on the line n parents on the verge of losing hopes...why...why do u wana go back to wat u were...studies now is the top n most important thing in ur life..apart frm love ones of coz...think of the future...future of urself,family n marcus....do u wana gif that up too? no rite...? if u haf the strength and courage to pick urself up from the past...why let urself go down for no reason...ur ex is nt even looking u up...so wat if they read ur diary...nthg they can do...it is ur life...wat r u scare of...?be proud n let them read lah...let them know that u r stronger now...u haf move on w/o them...u haf a better life now...but oso be gracious...let them know that....it is becoz u got to know them that u picked up life lesson from each n everyone of them...yes,u hate some of them....for wat they done to u...but now u let go...then be gracious euff to say thank you for the lesson they given u...for these lesson didnt come easy n now u haf learnt to treasure life even more...be brave...admit ur fault of ur past...no point running...i know u haf always wana to avoid ur past...but like wat ppl say...past is past...always n always will be there wif u...coz that is wat make u now...all those tought times u haf been thru...hasnt it make u a stronger person now...n now...u haf to be even stronger...dun let ur mind make a fool out of u....u r in control...u can so it...jia you

I got to be strong now

1:34 AM

12 days count down

me plucking all my hair out liao....stress

I got to be strong now

~~Tuesday, October 12, 2004~~

7:22 PM

13 days count down

sorri guys....for the trouble i caused u all...i had to change my blog...due to some problems....friends frm OD will know wat i mean...haiz....i haf the gut feeling that my ex is reading my OD...haiz....then i think he got my link to my purpledust blog....so i realli wana cut clean wif him...juz wat i feel...sorri for the problem caused...

I got to be strong now

1:12 AM

13 days count down

tea time...haf been sipping those packet tea non-stop ever since i started my exam revision...1st was those japaness green tea...then lipton tea....then now...err...some chinese tea call "xiang pian"...dun know if that is the rite han yi ping ying....i am a tea freak....lolxx....hmmm...actualli too much tea nt good...but i dun know wat to drink liao...cannot drink milo...if i do...by the rate of like 10 cup per day...i m gona balloon up at the end of the exams...lolx....

it seems like i m been blogging almost everyday...or rather everyday...mayb coz apart frm studying now...theres realli nthg else to do at home...apart frm the normal eating,slping and watching a bit tv...

cleaned up dory's cage...then chatty wif Marcus...hmmm....lately getting weird feeling...but are good ones...kekeke....this little ger in me....wana get married so badly...lolx...mayb coz i miss Marcus a lot lately...hhmmmm...being hinting marcus a lot lately....but ya...it is true...got no financial support....i m studying n he is in NS....but hor...my mom keep asking us to get married first then worried abt the rest...coz she say this kinda of things will come by its nature...lol...nv ever seen my mom so eager to married me off b4...guess onli marcus has her heart...n i m happy that my family approve of him...i believe in family blessing...n i love my family...though i agree that i dun believe in family arrangement wedding...but with family support...i believe i cld be more focus of other things then worrying abt my family's opition of my bf...n oso dun haf to worry them...coz they know i m in good hands...kekekeke....my mom had nv approve of me staying over at any of my ex-bf hse..but marcus is an exception....kekekeke...like now...staying over at least once a month....i m so blessed wif wat i haf...

Love ya Marcus...The One in my life...

I got to be strong now

~~Monday, October 11, 2004~~

1:07 AM

14 days count down

think i got a bit burnt frm the tan today...feel so warm....haiz....bored...dun know wat to do apart frm studying...life now for this few days gona b veri boring...weekends over...its monday again...monday blue

I got to be strong now

~~Sunday, October 10, 2004~~

5:29 PM

15 days count down

Lazy sunday afternoon...woke up late....went for an afternoon swim n got a tan...hw i wish i cld stay in the pool longer n get even tanner...lolx...the sun was great...juz rite for lazying in the pool...soaking in the water n the sunshine...but haiz...got to study...hope my gear start running again soon...weekends are juz not my study days...but haf to try...onli left 2 weeks to 1st paper...

I got to be strong now

~~Saturday, October 09, 2004~~

10:10 PM

16 day count down

staying over at marcus's hse tonite....gona study soon...but thk i din spend my wkend wisely...was up late coz i studies till veri late last nite...then went out to tampines to haf lunch n buy the stuff i nid...the lunch was veri sinful...ate at Billy Bombers...had a 4 course meal...soup,1 sunshine hotdog,1 cookies n cream milk shake, cheese fries and oreo cheese cake...aargghhh...so full n SINFUL..... -.-" but cant do anything now...all in my tummy...anyway both marcus n i gave dinner a pass...too full... *burp...

guess i shld hit the books now...cheerz

I got to be strong now

~~Friday, October 08, 2004~~

1:17 PM

17 days count down

Not feeling too good lately..Mentally that is...kinda of keep being reminded of the past...things i see,read,touch n feel...reminds me of my past...running away frm the past is nv gona help...i haf to accept n face it...then n onli then...haf i discard my past...
but it is ealier said then done..aiyo....i shldnt b even thinking abt this now...Study Study STUDY~!!!

I got to be strong now

~~Thursday, October 07, 2004~~

1:50 AM

18 days count down

i am total drained from studying my commercial law book...all those 'chim' english they use to describe something so simple....aiyo...*headache...taking a break from it n updating my blog...think i will update more on blog now..and will keep OD for those special updates...coz i dun think i could manage 2 diaries./..a bit tiring...logging on both n updating both...err....dun know how to explain that feeling...mayb i m juz being lazy...*haiz...but realli miss OD...but was realli happy to see some of u guys frm OD,popping over n leaving msg in my blog...*touch...hope we will keep in touch no matter wat...

anyway the weather today was veri warm...so warm till my mom's fishes wun eat when they r fed...n Dory wun move a bit when i pat her or open her cage...Dory juz lie there...resting her head on the box inside her cage,while i pat her...Closing her eyes like trying to enjoy herself thru this unbearable heat...*heartache...it ever hit me that i wana like shave off her fur to make her feel cooler...lolx...then i will haf a botak bunni...so mean...lolx....but i think she realli hates the heat...

the heat oso driving me nuts...who is trying to study inside my room wif close door, to cut off the sound frm the living rm...n to add up...my rm got no air-con...then it is like so warm that the fan is juz 'fanning' warm air on me...aarrghhh...and i tot this time of the month,the weather will be nice...but so warm that i cant concentrate on my book...aarrghhh...haiz...but theres nothing i can do but to bear wif it n work on my studies...

take care guys...jia you for those who r hafing exams too...love ya

I got to be strong now

~~Wednesday, October 06, 2004~~

1:11 PM

19 days count down

the date is drawing so fast n nearer...starting to get scary.....better buck up...jia you jia you....for guys who r oso facing exams...jia you too~~!!

I got to be strong now

~~Tuesday, October 05, 2004~~

11:19 AM

20 days down down

Yippee....~~!!! done n over with my marketing project...FInally.....but now this unfolds another nightmare...my final exams...due in 20 days...aiyo...so many things to study yet so little time...muz realli pace myself...dun want last min work again...n i realli wana be fully prepared...so that i haf no regrates...even if i realli dun know how to do...at least i know that i haf done my best....
yesterday after touching up on the project...my grp member decided to haf dim sum at Red Star Resturant...then we ordered a lot of food...like 9 egg tarts...lol....then the total price??/ $102~~!!!! OMG...so ex...each person like $25...then we trat one of our grp member coz he bday...so its $33....nid some time b4 i can pay up...but the egg tarts realli damn good..wana go back n eat...but hor...all speak cantoness.....dun understand...aiyo.....see how...mayb will try to pick up a few tips then go again...
after that meet up wif jw after dropping off the project in the box...had more lunch of chicken chop....lol...realli ate a lot yesterday...then after that...went home...lazy in bed....played wif Dory....then was aslp by 12am....but woke up like 11am this morning....long time nv lazy in bed liao...but then...now haf to get back to studies...cya guys...

I got to be strong now

~~Saturday, October 02, 2004~~

6:47 PM

23 days to go

the stupid marketing project is gona finish soon...*cross finger...i wana finish it tonite by 12am...

I got to be strong now

~~Friday, October 01, 2004~~

1:52 PM

Feeling damn left out by my grp member...our lifestyle juz arent the same ...n i am feeling sick abt it..

I got to be strong now